I always envied my dog when I was younger. She didn't have to go to school; I did. If she wanted to go to bed in the day, she could. Her biggest worry was whether I was going to eat her Markies.

Now I know that it's not always that great to be a dog, but give me a squeaky toy and I'm anybody's.

discover your dog breed @ quiz meme

I'm only blogging because I'm bored. Oh well, it's better than dogging.

I'm in a listening to music mood. I have Jools Holland and YouTube on at the same time. I would be singing but it's a bit late and although it would get my neighbours back for all the unnecessary DIY I'm not that brave. I like singing; it's all I really do. If only I was good! I really ought to try and start multi-tasking it with housework.

I don't have anything proper to say. I think this calls for a spot of poetry.

Brandon I saw you again on TV
You've changed a lot since 2003
Because you've grown that silly beard
And hang out with Tyson who's quite weird
Biting a man's ear is very queer
In the old-fashioned sense of the word
Not the new meaning which would be something very different
But you never know it might have been something like that
As stranger fetishes have occurred
But anyway you were much nicer
When you weren't shaky
Can I have a free ticket please?
I can't do rhyming but I don't eat cheese.

Hmm, I think it's time I went to bed!

Well, I've kept a few of my resolutions. I've been reading - slowly - and I bought myself a keyboard (actually my dad bought it as I'm an only child and obviously a spoilt brat! Or he just feels guilty about being mean to me...). I also bought two books of Kaiser Chiefs sheet music. "Very ambitious" as the guy on the till said when I told him what I was doing.

I came home at about half past eleven to find a dog looking at me. I got out of my car and it just came over. Then Ian came out and it growled at him so he backed off. 'It' turned out to be a she and she got used to Ian, though she's got a bit attached to me. She kept following me. As if I could leave her outside on her own in the street where anything could happen. We walked up and down our cul-de-sac (though it's not called a cul-de-sac because it's not posh enough. I couldn't bring myself to knock on doors at that time knowing the kind of people who live around here) repeatedly but no one came out. It got late and the cold started to find its way into my bones. We phoned the police which wasn't much help. So she's here, lying on my feet, little labrador-cross legs jittering as she dreams. She's certainly made herself at home! Unfortunately though our flat is not puppy-proof (I guess she's only about 6-8 months old) but she is so good, such a sweetie. I'll be sad to part with her in the morning but pleased to see her with her owner. Part of me thinks that they don't care enough about her as they're not out looking for her, but she seems very cared for. She's not wearing a collar - I think she must have slipped out of their garden - but a reflective tabard. I thought she was a guide dog at first! Very strange. She knows how to sit and is very good when you have to take things out of her mouth. I had to take a chicken bone out of her gob earlier which she'd found in someone's rubbish. Nice!

Not really sure what to do right now. She'll probably hate being shut in the hall where the floor is clean-up-able. If I didn't have an allergy-ridden, non-dog person for an other half I would have her sleeping with me on the bed.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. I did, sort of. I've got a new phone which means I can play real, proper music on it (yeah, I am a bit behind). I don't answer if anyone calls as I'm listening to Fluorescent Adolescent.

I would say my 2007 has been average, if not below average. So to break tradition I have set myself some goals for 2008.

1. Get a keyboard and learn to play it (musical kind that is; I am already too familiar with the computer keyboard. I would love a piano but don't have enough money or space).
2. Get more money and space. Don't cry if this is not possible.
3. Try - properly - to get a more enjoyable job.
4. Go dancing.
5. Start and finish my writing course.
6. READ! Even if you'd rather drill holes in your ankles.
7. Keep eating an apple a day and try to eat more fresh fruit/veg.
8. Exercise at home. Do some cardiovascular while ironing if need be.
9. Don't get stroppy for no reason.
10. Drink more alcohol.
11. Go and see Kaiser Chiefs again, and The Killers and Arctic Monkeys.
12. Pay off the student loan you misused.

That's plenty. I wonder how many I will keep. At least putting them up here I can't forget them.

Has anyone else noticed the vast amount of birds around at the moment? It seems they are all on the roadside, pecking at this and that.

Well, I have had it with them. I love them, but they are trying to kill me, and themselves.

Every time I make a trip in the car during daylight I disturb a jay. Usually they choose to fly in the correct direction (i.e. not under my wheels) but sometimes they don't. Yesterday I came off the road to avoid one (a car was coming the other way).

There are also loads of wood pigeons about on the verges. I was unfortunate enough to witness one that had been hit by a car and lost the use of its legs. I tried to catch it (not sure exactly what I would have done as I couldn't attempt to kill it) but its wings still worked and it kept flapping away. I left it as I was causing it a lot of stress. Poor little thing. Then one flew out at my car just a few days after but luckily, despite me hearing a bit of a clunk, it flew off.

You assume that they will fly out of the way (or at least try to). But today I had to wait for a chaffinch to get out of my way! There were loads on the tarmac, most flew away but one let me drive right up to it. I thought he would realise he was in danger and fly off, but I couldn't bear to keep going just in case. They're so small and fragile and cute. I sat there, in the way of the traffic, revving my engine to try and scare him while impatient drivers tried to hurry me along. His parents must have brought him up wrong.

I wouldn't want to stand in the road in my area. You wouldn't survive five minutes. Last night I was woken up by a speeding car doing lengths of my cul-de-sac (though it's not called a cul-de-sac because it's not posh enough). It had a chav exhaust so woke me up with a jump. Oh yeah, then the birds started twittering and I couldn't get back to sleep...

****

This has got me thinking of a time many years ago when some swifts decided our house would be a good place to nest. My parents' house is Victorian and quite tatty; there used to be quite a few holes under the roof. One summer a pair of swifts moved in. At the time I wanted to be just like Chris Packham so I was really excited.

We didn't see or hear much of them until one day we found a little ball of fluff wobbling about outside our back door. My mum is such a wuss and wouldn't put it back because she's scared of heights. I tried to get her to let me do it but she said no and called our then-neighbour round who's got a fear of birds. Well, given something to put the chick on she managed to put it back safely.

Then that was that. We wondered if the parents would accept the chick back.

Some time later (I guess a couple of weeks as they grow so fast but my memory has faded) we were sitting in the garden when there was a bit of a commotion and an adult swift flew down from the nest and swooped centimetres from my head and then up high. The babies came out, looking very pathetic and dishevelled. I think there were three or four. Nervously, they took their first flight - a short one, just above our garden. I must have been brimming with glee.

Day after day they would come out, fly around, and come home. We would laugh when they forgot which hole under the roof was theirs. They made the cutest little 'swee' sound. The house seemed so much more useful than it had ever been before.

Then one evening, we came outside after a day out in the sun and all was quiet. They had gone. It was early September. There were some swifts high up in the sky but we had no way of knowing if they were "ours". We could hear them faintly calling "swee swee" but it wasn't to be for long. I can only guess the journey that lay ahead for them, but whatever it was it was certainly going to be an amazing one.

Noooooo, Zambonigirly, or whatever you want to call yourself nowadays, you are not allowed to have more journal entries than me. Do you like zucchini? Or do you call it courgette? I call it a rotten cucumber.

I was running out of ideas for things to do so I decided to delve through the far end of my VR mailbox to see what I could find to remind me what used to go on in my and other site members' lives and what we used to talk about.

You don't need to tell me I should get out more. I went to Boots AND Waitrose today.

I remember when I first joined VR in early 2005 I waited ages for someone to send me an email. I was very patient. Then I gave up and emailed someone because I liked the look of their dog. The person kindly replied (on 07/10/05) so I felt very smug. So my first page has an email from JewishVegan, and also "THISMADWORLD", Pip1 (because I was mean about cats), tonythevegan (who was the one... to make me go vegan), Cactus (I tried to get him to like aubergines, and looking at his message now I feel terrible for not replying... At the time I was trying very hard not to annoy people but it hasn't stopped me from pestering BadgerMan all the time now) and someone who is still around, Crouching Panda! There follows quite a lot of emails from him, and one from "Chocolate Cheesecake" entitled 'Cheeky'. Moi?

Then I discovered HTML and decided to use it anywhere and everywhere I could, using my email as a test. So I emailed myself a lot. Then Rossetti and Sensitive Gut.. Guy, GUY! Stupid fingers. They wanted to know my secret to HTML (which I of course just copied from somewhere else) so I told them but deliberately left some quote marks and brackets out so they couldn't topple me from my position of Queen of Hypertext Markup Language, which is a title I know SG was quite keen on.

I emailed Wezzzy on 31/05/06 saying "I thought you'd gone away" which sounds a bit harsh but wasn't intended as such. I was wondering how BadgerMan and I first started corresponding and found he first emailed me on 30/06/06 (my dad's birthday) about my car crash. It seems a lot longer ago than that. Nagev first emailed me on 18/08/06 using a line from an Appleton song as the subject and we also still email now. Strangely enough I have an email from someone saying "Thanks for looking at my profile". Emailed Hidden Genius a bit until he deleted himself on 07/03/07 but I think he emailed ZacabinwenchGuerkin more.

I could go on and on but my fingers are going to fall off soon and I realise that I'll have bored everyone senseless with my egocentric mini trip down VR Memory Lane. Please excuse the excessive name-dropping. Do you know what? I found out yesterday that I'm a packet of silken tofu.

Raindrops on roses
And whiskers on kittens
Timelords in turtle-necks
Daleks in mittens
Those are a few of my favourite things.

Plagiarism? What's that?

I can't imagine how the world looked to you
Peering out of the kennel
Rejected for the third time
Waiting for the day you could be free

Taking you on wasn't easy
We knew you were afraid
We couldn't tell you that we would never leave you
That we were always coming back

You soon got your feet under the table
And on it sometimes, if you couldn't resist that ham
Taking you to agility was a laugh
I think I did far more running than you

Your idea of perfume is very different from mine
Eau de fox poo makes me gag
Tesco own-brand makes you wrinkle your nose in disgust
But you'll never win me round

We won't miss the address book, the remote control or my dad's glasses case

Now you are a few years older
A few walks more stiff
But wiser, more relaxed
Still the same greedy, cheeky dog
With selective hearing and a penchant for rolling
I wouldn't change you for the world

You always listen and never complain
You're always pleased to see me
And always up for a game
You never make me feel bad
Even if I do something wrong

You may have some grey hairs about your face
You may be considered old
You may prefer to take things slow
But I know you're a puppy in disguise
And long may it be that way
I really do pray

Well, the weather has been fantastic, which came to me as a real shock (to the point that my body said "I can't deal with this" so I had to sit on the ground before I fell there).

So where are all the photos? I have been expecting all the usual flowers, farm animals and annoyingly good views, but no, Bodger has not reported back. Perhaps he is loving it too much and refuses to come indoors again. Or perhaps he has fallen down a badger hole.

Brandon is the name of a tool hire company
Whose invoices I deal with at work
I sit there and hum the tunes in my head
But I can't be Mr Brightside as I'm just a girl
Without The Killers I'd surely be dead (ironic, huh?)

Your name is very floral
And your voice is very sweet
Your trousers are very tight
On TV I'm in for a treat

If you weren't so good-looking
And didn't have a wife and baby
And you weren't a mormon
I think I would take a running jump at you
But I'm being held back by a security guard called Norman

The highlight of my day was mishearing Fraser in Neighbours. He said "Three words: Paul Frickin' Robinson". I, and many others, heard what you think we heard.

It started with a text to Ian, 'I think Fraser said fucking!' I mean, this is Neighbours, a friendly family show on at lunch time and 'tea' time (I've put the quote marks around 'tea' to patronise northerners). The lairiest it has ever got recently is "What? You slept with your boyfriend's brother and thought his baby was his but it was his? That's so crap" and "Bloody hell, Harold, stop your chin wobbling".

Well, I wound my Freeview hard disk back. He definitely said the f word. And very, very prominently.

I proceeded to search the web for any reference (bearing in mind Neighbours is shown in Oz about three months prior to here), and found the clip on YouTube. Yes, he still said "fucking". What was the world coming to? Ian checked it out and promptly MSN'd me to tell me I was a stupid deaf fool and it was definitely 'fricking'. Then I listened again and again... Oh yeah. Well, I knew they wouldn't have written a swear word into that script of "friggin's" and "spiggin's" and "huffters", and the BBC has too big a face to lose.

But apparently OfCom has been inundated with calls and a similar uproar happened when it was aired in Australia. What would the world be coming to, eh, if that had been the bad f word? Do people ring the police if they hear someone saying it in real life? Well, we can all rest assured that there are no nasty, foul-mouthed neighbours on Ramsey Street.