| Topic: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 08/07/09 / Views : 489 / Replies : | |
|  | Hi there, I'd value your opinion on this please.
I have a friend who has been vegetarian for about a year now. He partly made the decision after watching the film 'Earthlings' with me, as he found it disturbing and had a strong emotional reaction to it.
However, he is in a bit of a quandry about whether or not he really does want to be a vegetarian. He says he does care about animals, and is mainly happy not to eat meat, but he hates the 'label' of being a vegetarian, which to him has very negative connotations.
He's also not sure about the moral 'rightness' or 'wrongness' of eating animals, despite the fact that he finds it upsetting. He says this doesn't necessarily make it 'wrong' and this makes it hard for him to decide how he feels about the whole issue. He also says that although he cares about animals, he is not sure that he cares 'enough'! (He apparently has trouble knowing how he feels about things in general).
Another problem is, he doesn't know anyone but me who is veg*n. And apparently, *all* his friends (and family) are still regularly saying to him 'you should eat meat'.
I think his own inner indecision is being picked up on by his friends, and they are attacking him for this. Also I personally feel that most meat-eaters feel guilty about it deep-down, and him changing himself by taking a stand on this issue is very challenging for them. I have suggested this to him and he doesn't think this is true though!
Unfortunately, he's very indecisive, and he's quite a conformist sort of person who feels his identity is shaped by what others think of him. Its easy to think that he should just stand up to his friends but I'm trying to have compassion and understanding for his worries, as his friends are very important to him.
He seems quite conflicted and I'd like to try and help him resolve this, so there continues to be one less meat-eater in the world!
I really don't know how to advise him on all of this. Any of your thoughts would be gratefully appreciated! |
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| Reply #1: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 28/06/09 | |
| | | Well, my feeling is that you can't explain to someone that something is wrong if their own conscience isn't telling them. If he feels socially uneasy maybe he can just eat meat on social occasions, and stick to a vegetarian diet privately? |
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| Reply #2: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 28/06/09 | |
| | | Most of us get questioned by friends, family and colleagues on the reasons for why we do things. Finding answers to them might help him find out why he is doing what he's doing. Keeping him informed is helping him as long as he is interested. |
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| Reply #3: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 30/06/09 | |
| | Hi there, thanks so much for taking the time to reply. :)
KC - you are absolutely right, but I think his 'conscience' is conflicted. Also the problem is that people see what he eats at work for lunch every day and are ribbing him for it, so the social occasions are quite numerous. I don't think he actually wants to eat meat, he just doesn't want to be seen to be 'a vegetarian'.
Jonmog - I don't really understand what you mean by "Finding answers to them might help him find out why he is doing what he's doing."?
Keeping him informed - great idea - I was thinking of getting him a book to read on this topic, but it's been so long since I've read anything like that, I have no clue! Any ideas please?
Maybe the issue is how to deal with other people (meat-eaters) in a gentle yet firm enough way that they give up on the negative comments? Has anyone else had to tread delicately in this situation please?
Thanks again! |
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| Reply #4: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 30/06/09 | |
| | | I think the best way to deal with somebody who likes to pass comments is to humour them. Confronting them just makes it worse because they can see it gets to you, and 'justifying' your decision can make you sound arrogant if they don't share your view, like you're morally superior or something. I always say I stopped eating meat when I discovered all the steroids in it were "shrinking my cock" - it tends to shut them up! Is the 'veggie bullying' that bad? I honestly didn't realise it was that big a deal these days. I think your friend can deal with the teasing by responding with some humour, but as for his own confusion I really don't know how you resolve something like that. Best of luck to him anyway. |
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| Reply #5: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 30/06/09 | |
| | | What I was trying to get across is that just deciding that meat and dairy products are not for you can be just the beginning of the people around you questioning why you do what you do. Some of them can be quite aggressive and generally rely on the fact that you should do what everyone else does because they have always done that. Finding answers to questions such as what would happen to cows if they were not milked, or what do you do for protein can still provide some useful insights. The vegan society provides information in the form of leaflets and various books on different aspects of vegan living. |
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| Reply #6: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 01/07/09 | |
| | Hi again you two lovely helpful men :) Thank you very much for your insightful comments. Love the cock comment, haha!
I think the bullying still exists unfortunately. I'm very secure in my beliefs and I still encounter people wanting to pick arguments with me about it (e.g. if I'm out at a group meal). I usually respond nowadays by trying to simply change the subject! Sometimes they're really tenacious though and it's hard to distract them!
I think I see what you're both saying now and it's great advice. I think I have some vegan leaflets somewhere so I'll dig those out for him.
Really appreciate your help. Thanks again. |
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| Reply #7: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 02/07/09 | |
 | | anonymous |
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| | Hi
I am agree, as you say, that if someone reacts vegetarianism it must be because there is an inner conflict at some level within that person. Infact this doesn't just apply to dietary choices, it a truth across the board. It's a real shame your friend can't yet accept this as I beleive that that understanding would enable him to see the situation in a wholly different light....to empower him and to make him/his choices feel less threatened. Maybe that door can still be opened though.
Whatever, I think that until your friend firms his inner resolve (and that's not a criticism, we all take time to convince ourselves of things)he will still be swayed by others.
So one key may be him raising the level of inner committment he has. No better way for him to do this is to really experience the health benefits of a plant based diet...then the whole rationale gets based on physical, inner experience rather than intellectual/moral debate. Not that the latter isn't important...it's just that the body can convince the mind better than thoughts can at times. Is your friend health conscious?...this might be a good time for him to do a little cleanse....it also provides him with an 'excuse' for his diet; if he can say to his 'challengers' that he is doing it for health...it's less emotive and challenging a reason to some people than moral issues.
But I'm sure that having a friend such as yourself is helping him enormously...but it might not happen overnight...peoples issues around food can be very, very complex and goes to the heart of how people feel about themselves.
These is only my opinions..and of course all situations are different...hope it helps
Enjoy the sun! |
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| Reply #8: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 02/07/09 | |
| | anonymous |
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| | | Terrible grammar and spelling in the last post...can't find an edit option...hope it makes sense. Sorry. | 
Editorial comment
We don't have an edit option. With forums if posts can be retrospectively edited you end up with people changing their posts, retracting comments, making changes etc. etc. and the following posts then don't make sense. That's the reasoning behind not havig an edit option! |
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| Reply #9: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 03/07/09 | |
| | Thanks again for the further comments and yes I did understand the last poster!
I was watching a repeat of Top Gear on the Dave Channel the other night, and they had a race between a car and a plane. They said 'whoever loses this is a VEGETARIAN'. Then which Richard Hammond lost, they were jeering at him in the studio 'you are a loser, you are a vegetarian'!. WTF?!
I was really peed off by this as it shows the media is trying to perpetuate meat-eating as a macho image. No wonder we still get stick for being veg*n.
Thanks again peeps! |
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| Reply #10: Re: Advice on resistance to veg*ism please? |
| Posted : 04/07/09 | |
| | I recall saying on a topic last year that it reaffirmed my masculinity when I discovered Clint Eastwood is a vegetarian, because there isn't anyone who is more of a man than Clint Eastwood!
The idea that being vegetarian detracts from your 'manliness' isn't as silly as it first seems - eating meat is like accepting man's nominal early role as a hunter, you know, before Tesco came along. I suppose it's possible your friend feels emasculated; you could ask him if being vegetarian makes him feel like less of a man, but be careful not to give him a complex! |
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